Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
