i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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