ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
