Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
