There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
