I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
