i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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