we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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