there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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