im about as happy as oj after his trial
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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