Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
