Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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