so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
