It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
