# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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