youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
