toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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