just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
