love makes seman taste better
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
