so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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