I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
