Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
