Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
