I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
