Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
