There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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