So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
