i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
