I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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