Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
NoShamevember. You game?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
