I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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