But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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