i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
