I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
