walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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