I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
