well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
