i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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