Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
