suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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