Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
