Kiss
Puke
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
