Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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