Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Mom said you looked used
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
