In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
