I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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