Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
