it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
