He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
