I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
