Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
