I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
