I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
