Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
