my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
