I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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