FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
