WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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