totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
