I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
