I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
His nipple licking is glorious
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