the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I won't apologize to a one balled man
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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