what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
