I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
