I want to have your abortion
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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