I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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