Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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