It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
