in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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