I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
