Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
