dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I need moral support for this bender
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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